Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
