absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
