i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
