I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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