im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
