Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
