i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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