It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize