i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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