Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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