4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
