Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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