Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Text me some of your sweat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
