I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
