pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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