I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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