maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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