with your own penis?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
