Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
