I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
