I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
