yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
