it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
