Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
