Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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