I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
