5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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