HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
