Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
