i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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