my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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