She tied me up with her honor cords...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize