omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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