Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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