My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
