Will you blow on my dice?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Farmville is her only friend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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