He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
