is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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