We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
