what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
