I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
