I showed him my bush... on skype.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
