one two three fourrrrnication!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
