Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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