Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
