Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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