I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had sex on a dog bed..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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