So drunk its hurt
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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