RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
