11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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