ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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