Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
