I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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