Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
