I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
