The best revenge is premature balding
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
