Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize