So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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