Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
