I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm like, not good at living.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
