he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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