Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
