I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
