Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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