I just saw a hot homeless man
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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