afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
