we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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