drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
MIDGETS
????
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
