Just cropdusted the office
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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