1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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