What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
