There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize