Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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