Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
