dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
