I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
