Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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