I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
