official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
