I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
